How to stop being needy
“A man’s guide to understanding masculinity”
I find that so many guys want a real connection with a girl. Deep down they are romantic and feel that they need this more than money, fame, power or fortune.
The sad truth is that those who NEED are often the ones that are behaving super unattractive. The needy behavior is scaring others and making them not trust you, but why?
What is being needy? Basically it’s desiring external validation.
A woman might say: “I need a hug because I’m sad.”
But if a man says “I need a hug because I’m sad”. It’s a little weird. This weirdness is the sign that there is something wrong.
You see it’s sub-communicating that this man is thinking in a feminine way. Now it’s probably not his fault. We pick this up in our formative years and it’s a hard habit to break. Men raised without much male influence or a dominant female influence results in this type of thinking.
This kind of thinking filters into all aspects of your life. Most guys who have adopted this kind of thinking have become “nice guys”. These “nice guys” have been taking advice from women as they have done their entire lives, being emotionally unstable and getting friend-zoned.
As you start to adjust your behavior toward the more masculine, things start to shift. You find yourself needing less external validation, you become more confident and you start to get more attention from women.
This process is ongoing and requires a great deal of attention when you start, but it gets easier and easier as you advance.
Key Steps To Break the “Nice Guy” Mold
- Stop taking advice from women about love and relationships.
- Understand that the women that raised you were doing the best job they could. So there is no need to get angry with them for teaching you to think in a feminine way.
- Know that the only way to change yourself into the kind of man women want, is to take action.
How to get love by taking action
The opposite of being needy is not being egotistical.
So many of my students are worried that they are going to turn into some macho dumb steroid gym freak, who’s all about showing off his “guns” and can only talk about how much he can lift.
This is not the case because the opposite of being needy is not being egotistical, it’s being emotionally stable even while experiencing fear. “Nice guys” will seek validation and avoid conflict at all times.
Ex: A guy buys a new shirt. He likes it but is worried that others are going to think it’s too bright. So instead of just wearing the shirt he sends a photo to his female friends and asks them for advice. The response is varied. Some girls say they think he will look good in it and others tell him it’s not his style.
This poor guy is confused and doesn’t know what to do. So he takes the safe path by putting it in his closet and never looking at it again. This need to seek others approval for his shirt is because he feels that he is not bold enough to try new things. This is fear and it corrupts his thinking constantly.
Fear is at the core of neediness and it’s a closed loop.
(I want something > generates fear > stops progress to get it > but still wants it)
This system of thinking is self-sabotaging and creates all kinds of internal conflict. That’s why “nice guys” say things like “Wow she’s so cute, I like her so much but I could never have her”
This self-defeating statement comes from his fear.
(I want her > what if she rejects me > don’t get rejected > I still want her)
So this is the flow:
Desire > Fear > Inaction > Apathy
The apathetic may lack a sense of purpose or meaning in their life. An apathetic person may also exhibit insensibility or sluggishness. Apathy is described as a result of the individual feeling they do not possess the level of skill required to confront a challenge. ~Wikipedia~
Learned helplessness is the root cause of external validation and being a “nice guy”.
Women shy away from fear because they are the ones that need to protect babies. Men rush toward their fears to defend others. If you behave like a women you are going to be treated like a woman.
Therefore if you behave like a man you will be treated like a man. Confronting your fears is the way to correct your behavior. After you have internalized this masculine behavior it becomes unconscious. You will start to automatically do it. When this happens you become super attractive to women. You are behaving in a way that drives women to seek relationships with you.
This is the path of how to get love.
How to get love once you behave in a masculine way
This is the easy part. Once you achieve this, women will start to naturally be attracted to you. All you need to do is make sure you don’t revert back to your old behavior. Which can be a challenge for some guys.
Once you are free from external validation you will be able to connect with women on a much deeper level. You will also be attracting multiple women and so finding someone who shares the same feelings for you, is way more likely.
Desire > Fear > Inaction > Apathy
How to find love by dealing with inaction?
My approach is to deal directly with inaction. If you are taking action, your fears start to diminish and you never land up being apathetic.
How to find love by taking action
So now you know the theory… here is the practice.
Ok so here it is! How to take action in your life.
Don’t think, Do!
The problem is that if you spend too much time thinking about an action we never do it. In fact our brain starts to think of all the reasons why you shouldn’t do it. So to bypass this you need to take action and the faster you do it the less chance there is for our brain to generate fear.
Let me introduce the 3 second rule.
Take action in less than 3 seconds. Yes its that simple!
If you do this then you will find that your brain has much less time to generate excuses of why you should not do it. Over 3 seconds then your brain turns into an asshole and starts to fuck with you.
So do it in less than 3 seconds, or it will get much harder to do.