How to Text a Girl Like a Pro

A sea of dicks…

Imagine a cute girls phone and what pressure her phone must be under. Like a dam holding back billion dicks all trying to get through that little chat screen. This describes the average woman’s phone if she has a dating app.

I think guys don’t work on getting better at text game because they don’t know that their messages are getting lost in a dick storm.

Most guys get rejected on the first text message. They are not making a good first impression. They also drop the ball during the conversation.

During the interaction they do things that women have seen a million times. Women have learnt to spot guys who don’t have a clue. Women have developed keen radar from seeing the same crap over and over again. In an instant; women spot men who just don’t get it.

I’m going to explain how you separate yourself from “The sea of dicks”, by becoming more interesting to women you meet online.

In order to do that, you need to know what those dicks are doing wrong.

How to Text a Girl Like a Pro

First Message – Bad First Impressions

Most men are making a terrible first impression via text. Some guys first move is a dick pic which just hurts my brain.

However for most guys they are missing the mark because they don’t spend their time making a girls profile on a dating site or app and watching a barrage of shit come your way. Well I did exactly that.

I have so much sympathy for women now. They get bombarded all day by the same messages. These messages fall into a few broad categories. Just by avoiding these classic categories your chances go way up.

Category: Boring


Boring!. If you want a girl to even consider starting a conversation with you then you need to be more interesting.

3 love boring (low value)

This guy thinks that by using the word love it will trigger a response in a woman. It wont. Women want love but they can see right through this guy’s game.

He then shows the girl that he’s not sure if she will be interested. If he’s not confident that she will like him, then why would she.

He is communicating that he is a low value man. Not worth her attention.

2 long distance boring (low value)

This guy has done the same thing and is not sure if she is interested.

Second problem here is that he’s in another country. Women are not interested in starting a conversation with a guy they can’t meet easily.


This guy is not being interesting enough. He’s relying on his looks to do all the work. This is not an effective strategy. Women are primarily turned on by a mans behavior more then his looks.

Category: Compliment

1 princess

2 princess

Guys try send a first message with a complement that tells a girl that he thinks very highly of her before she’s done anything. So based on her looks alone she has achieved princess status in that guys mind. (putting her on a pedestal)

He’s not really interested in getting to know her. He has all the info he needs. Communicating that he’s only interested in her for her looks.

My female friends and girlfriends all report having received this kind of message. None of them responded.

3 simple

This is a variation of the princess comment. Women like to be told that they are pretty its true. But only by men who know how to flirt very well. This is not flirting well.

4 confused

This guy does not realise that he’s sending a private message. Then tops that off with a princess comment.

Category: Love at First Sight

love too fast

Some guys believe that they can convince a girl that they have fallen in love with her at first sight. This just comes across as needy. Women think men and women fall in love in person, not by looking at photos.

3rd person love

This guy is falling in love in the third person. It’s the same mistake as the guy above with some added confusion.

low effort love

The “love at first sight” thought process is applied here but with the least amount of effort possible.

needy love

Using the word love to trick a woman into believing what you are saying is very transparent.

He then asks her permission to get to know her more. This means that subconsciously he doesn’t think he’s worth getting to know.

He’s communicating that he is a man of lower value, than her. A woman wants a man of equal or higher value than herself.

not cute love

Hiding the word “love” in a cute comment. Still not working and very transparent.

Category: Needy

please smile:like me

Starting with a double compliment and a request. Most people don’t like strangers asking them for stuff before they have built a some kind of relationship.

puts self into friendzone

This guy just put himself into the friend-zone! If you are asking to be friends with a girl but you are secretly interested in starting a relationship.

Then you have become undesirable. You are not emotionally honest and she can spot it a mile away.

for friendship contact

Please put me in the friend-zone! Pretty please!!!

I’m sure this guy is nice guy and we could hang out and have a good time but girls see him as needy. He’s making another mistake asking her to add him on skype when he has not built any kind of connection with her first.

Category: Too Fast

too fast

As a first message this is trying to reach the end of the race before you have passed the start line. You cant go for an interview for a job and ask for a promotion. Not knowing where you are in the interaction results in an instant fail.

Category: Observation

clueless observation

Is this compelling to respond to? Not at all.

If you make an observation about her photos it should be way more intriguing. Observations are weak. However some girls will add photos to try get more guys to comment on them. These include crazy makeup, dressed in a wild outfit or even doing something strange.

If you comment on those photos you will fall into the big category of guys who commented on those photos. This will slightly increase your response rate but only if the girl is in the right mood and likes the look of you.

So its super inconsistent.

Category: Sexy Professional

Im a sexy musician

Trying to sell yourself based on your profession is a terrible idea. Women care about who you are and how you behave not what you do for a living.

Did you spot the needy comment? “Want a musician?”

Im a sexy Professor

Professors are sexy because they are super smart and can be very funny. This guy is doing neither of those things.

“I want to meet a good person as well” is something he read on her profile and is trying to use it to try convince her that they want the same things. She is going to see right through this tactic. Like all the messages on this list girls have seen them a million times.

Category: Insulting

stupid insulting

I find it amazing that guys don’t know that they are being insulting. Stupid comments translate into… “I’m a stupid man.”

Women are not attracted to stupidity. They avoid it because its dangerous.

Category: Overly Sexual

crazy sexual

While on the subject of stupidity lets look at another example. Best case scenario this message is just very badly translated. Worst case is this guy believes he’s got a chance.

Ask yourself this. How many messages will this guy send out in his lifetime? How many girls will this guy get overly sexual with and freak out?

Its up to smart guys to cut through all the strange shit that gets sent to women and make them feel positive about the interaction.

Category: Creepy

creepy presumptious

This is a line from the internet. The fact that he didn’t come up with it and thought that it was a good idea to use makes this creepy. Of all the things to pick from the internet this is what he chose to use.

This message has some kind of special meaning to this guy. He really felt like this was the right things to say. Making the message very needy.

Its also expecting the woman to throw herself into a relationship with him based on this message alone. Which puts this message into the too fast category too.

Category: Common First Message Mistakes


Girls get these messages a lot. If you send them you and going to get lost in the sea of dicks.

“hi how are you?” – Boring. Saying this adds you to the sea of dicks

Compliment her – Complements are too common on their own. You need to spice things up with added flirting skills to make this work.

“can we be friends?” – Don’t friend-zone yourself.

“I want a good wife” – Too fast. Don’t jump too far into the interaction.

“what did you study?”- Boring and too fast.

“what do you do?” – Boring.

“let me know” – makes you come across super lame and needy. Remove this from your vocabulary.

“Hi pretty girl” – needy

“send me your (app ID)” – pushy and too fast.

“how old are you” – this is boring and is normally in their dating profile.

“hope we get to know each other more.” – needy

“nice photos” – she knows she has nice photos. She spent hours fussing over which ones to use. Rather comment about what’s in the photos.

“could I have your number please, so maybe we can talk?” – Mega Needy

Game Enders

consistantly needy

Its almost too easy to come across needy. Broadcasting it loudly will end things permanently.








needy pity seekerDon’t use pity to try solve your problems. It screams “I’m needy” and is mega unattractive.





 Category: Ask The Internet

ask internet what girls like

The internet is good for so many things including giving out bad advice.








internet pun

Pickup lines don’t work. There are many trolls online who swear it worked for them. But they cant show any results. Beware of the Trolls.





testing lines from the internet

Entertaining yourself is always a good thing but don’t expect results.






Category: Changing Tone

try hard

Changing the tone of your messages in the middle of a conversation is jarring and confusing. Giving head is slang for eating pussy and abruptly changing to “how are you?” is a desperate attempt at trying to fix the problem.

Too late she’s already spotted his “cleaver plan”





out of the blue

Changing tone to sex is a common mistake that most guys make. It assumes that the girl is horny, even though there is no evidence that she is.





hiding sex in a message

Trying to hide the change of tone in the middle of a message wont help either.






change to sex

Taking it further into sexual fantasies of fetishes also results in disaster.







adorable to snob

This hurts my brain. He starts being sweet and then makes a prediction that she’s going to be bitch. Well he gave her all the ammo to turn against him.

change to love

Jack was doing so well! Then he dropped the love bomb and destroyed the entire interaction.





Category: Make Sense

confusing slang

Using local slang can make communication impossible… and funny.






dumb smart

Direct and clear communication that can’t be misinterpreted is key.







Category: Made Sense In My Head

it made sense in my head

Say your message out loud before you send it. This can help if you are not sure how it will come across.





dumb guy trolled

Girls will troll stupid guys and show their friends.








Category: Don’t Troll Girls


If you are a troll who likes to bait girls into stupid conversations I have a message for you. You are just trolling your own love life.

Category: Overly Sexual

0 setup

Too sexual too fast.







1 setup

Change tone and made too sexual. You might bee seeing some patterns in the messages that fail.








2 mixed messeges

Mixed messages: Change tone and too sexual to fast.





3 fuck buddy proposal

Bypass everything and go straight to fuck buddy? Ahhhhhh, no.






attraction to disgusted







indecent proposal

Just because you are horny does not mean that she is. If you don’t know how to tell of a girls is horny via text then I suggest assuming she’s never horny when texting.




4 learning from the internet

overly sexual, used the internet and changed tone = MEGA FAIL!








smart overly sexual








Appeal to her intelligence and start a friendship that mutates into sexual fantasy all nicely wrapped in good writing is… still a fail.

Women like subtle communication not word-play.

Category: Insulting

Some guys thing that you need to insult women in order to win them over. This comes from Pickup and is called a neg (as in negative)

A neg is used as a mild put down for a woman who thinks too highly of herself. Its used during a conversation when someone’s ego gets out of control. It is used both on men and women.

Girl: “You can’t sit here this is reserved for only sexy men who are VIP”
Man: (said to her friends) “Wow guys, is she always this crazy or did you forget to give her medication?”

This is a playful put down. It requests assistance from the friends to correct their bitchy buddy’s behaviour.

If you don’t know how to use a neg then the results are tragic.

hopless to hooker

This guys think so little of himself that he is attempting to convert a women into a prostitute. The mindset of this guy is so sad. I feel worse for him than I do the poor girl receiving the message.

How To Separate Yourself From
“The Sea of Dicks”


The most important thing to know is that hot girls have a super short attention span.

Women are bombarded by terrible messages all day and night.

One thing is very clear to Women. They are the prize and men are willing to chase after them. Men do this in a variety of bad ways.

The other thing they know is that the world is filled with men who want them. They know that any day they turn on their phones there will be lots of men waiting for the opportunity to speak to them.

This is the #1 problem. You are not special. What possible reason does she have for talking to you? You look sound and act the same as every other man online. She sees your message and thinks you are not interesting and then sees your profile and boom… you are now getting the same treatment as all the other men she doesn’t want to talk to.

So what is the solution to this?

Do everything differently is a good start.

How To Build a Message Funnel

A message funnel is a list of the first 3 messages that are used first. Before you get invested into the conversation. This is done to screen women for interest levels and positive reactions.

Note: Its a bad idea to get excited about a girl before you have gone through all three messages. Girls are getting too much attention all the time and can be very distracted with the countless messages they are getting.

Only start getting excited after you are through the message funnel. If the girl is chatty after the funnel then you are edging closer to that first date.


First message is best described as “Meh”
You want to be cheeky but in a way that conveys minimal interest.

I [saw/looked at/checked] your [stuff/thingy/whats-it], you [appear, give the impression of being, come across, show signs of being, strike me as, give me the feeling of being] [good, not bad, all right, ok]

example 1: I checked your thingy, you come across all right.

Yes you might need to edit the sentence a bit to get the grammar to work. You will need to play around with this formula until the girls in your area of the world start responding well. This formula works very well all over the world but the content needs to change its (slang/cultural/language) nuances sometimes for best results. Remember this is a formula to understand, not a copy paste situation.

The reason the first message needs to come across “Meh” is because you are trying to separate yourself from all the guys who are being needy


Then after she messages you back use an over the top ridiculous complement such as:

You’re like {a cute thing} {doing something in a fantasy} {with a cute result}

example 1: You’re like a puppy, chasing a ball down fluffy clouds into a pool of marshmallows.
example 2: You’re like a baby monkey, riding a unicorn into a gingerbread house.

DONT use the examples above. Come up with your own and test it. The above examples are to help you create your own message. If you copy paste mine we might all send the text to the same girl. Another reason is, what works in one place might not work in another. You need to test diffrent versions of you version of these messages where you live.

The reason the second message needs to be a ridiculous complement is to stand out from the crowd. You are still showing your intent but its so silly she knows you are having fun with the message and not being super needy. 


Give a statement of intent, then immediately sweep it under the rug with introducing yourself.

Well {statement about the interaction that is over the top}. Hi my name is [YOUR NAME HERE]

example 1: Well this is going splendidly fantastic, Hi my name is Sky.
example 2: Well isnt this just top-noch, tip top and hunky dory, LOL Hi my name is Sky.

The reason the third message needs to be over the top is to still show that you are only mildly invested in the interaction but… you still are still moving the interaction forward. 

After her next message drop a realistic statement of intent acknowledging the possibility of a meet up.

The tone should be something like this: “Wow a great sense of humour, love it. Lets meet for Coffee on [TIME][DAY][lOCATION].

After the Third message you can expect that she might decline your offer for coffee or make a joke about it. However this is not the end of the interaction.

She will feel like there is something diffrent about you and be pleased that you have been upfront with your intentions.

Now the interaction will be about getting to know you a little more before agreeing to the date. Now with your foot in the door its time for you to take over. 

If you are messaging on social media or a dating app your “social profile” will now play a large part in the interaction. If your photos are weak then you will loose many interactions. How you continue the interaction is also important.

Image: by Marsel van Oosten

8 thoughts on “How to Text a Girl Like a Pro”

  1. i have this friend in church shes such a pretty thing but every time i text her about dates she brushes it off and says she has a boyfriend but i dont think its true just wants to push me.what should i do.

  2. I’m just confused now. Am I supposed to send above messages to a girl I don’t know in person or to someone I already know ?

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